WHY I'M TOO SCARED TO JOIN A MOMMY GROUP
Updated: Apr 4
Being a stay at home mom can be lonely at times... Actually, most times. You can’t exactly engage in thought-provoking conversations with your 1 year old son. Instead, you’re forced to watch reruns of Elmo’s World on repeat all day. Getting out and meeting other women going through the same thing sounds tempting, but I think the anxiety surrounding the whole interaction overwhelms the idea for most moms… It’s me. I’m most moms. During my year at home as a stay at home mom, I never once joined a mommy group. Do I regret it? Not really. I kept busy doing random things, like learning how to play guitar and scrapbooking. I also spent way too much time keeping up with the Kardashians. But the thought did cross my mind. Maybe I could find a group of moms to hangout at the park with or bake cookies with. Just maybe, I could make some new friends. These thoughts were always overshadowed with fear and excuses that led me to keep on keeping on with what I had been doing at home. Here’s some dumb reasons for me being too scared to join a mommy group I think other moms will relate to.
1. The Idea of Meeting an Already Established Clique is Terrifying
It feels like the whole situation would be like you’re the new girl in high school and you have to somehow weasel your way into the cool crowd. Will the group be accepting of me? Or will I ruin their vibe? Are they going to talk about how weird I am when I leave? Every mommy group has worked hard to maintain a balance. I’m just worried that I may throw off that balance. It’s just too much to worry about.
2. I Don’t Know If My Child Will Fit In
One of the most important factors in picking a mommy group is finding one that is well suited for your child. I’m absolutely terrified of my child acting out and biting someone else’s child or stealing their toy. Having to constantly apologize to a mom sounds exhausting. And it’s one thing for my child to not get along with other kids, but what if those kids don’t get along with my child and leave him out of their activities. I know my son is a mere 1 year old right now, but I still want him to feel included in the group.
3. I’m Scared of the Commitment
Sure, meeting up with a group of fine ladies every now and then is okay. But I’m scared of making another group of friends that I can’t keep up with. As it is, I barely see my non-mom friends on a regular basis. Adding another group of friends to my circle sounds like too much to handle. Not to mention, I sometimes enjoy just being alone with my son. I may not always be interested in going to Becky’s colonial house to make gingerbread houses. And being a working mom now, joining a mommy group just seems like more time I’m going to be away from my husband.
4. We May Have Different Parenting Styles and Beliefs
I’m a one and done mom, so I’m scared that Karen with her four, perfect children just won’t understand why I don’t want another child. I’m also okay with my child having occasional screen time, I didn’t breastfeed, and I fed my son his baby food straight from the jar. These perfect moms just may not understand. I also experienced postpartum depression during my son’s first year of life, so talking about how great motherhood is might be hard for me, since I experienced so much turmoil during my first few months postpartum.
5. I Feel Content with My Group of Non-Parent Friends
Even though it’s nice to have women who can empathize with me, I still prefer my lifelong friends to discuss motherhood with. They may not completely understand, but at least I feel 100% comfortable with them. I’ve shared my ups and downs with them throughout life, so sharing my motherhood experiences would be no different. And if anything, I’m helping my friends prepare for motherhood when their time comes. My son also gets a ton of attention and spoiling, being the only child in our group.
I know these reasons shouldn’t be enough to keep me from joining a mommy group, but they are for me as a mom struggling with anxiety. What I’ve been doing to keep active and avoid loneliness has been working for me so far, so I feel happy continuing on this way. Maybe, in time as my son grows older, I may feel differently. For now, though, I’m happy hanging out with my non-mom friends, so long as they continue to not mind my little munchkin tagging along. But if you find yourself interested in joining a mommy group, go for it. I’m sure all the reasons I listed above don’t outweigh the benefits of meeting other mothers. Just remember not to overwhelm yourself in being extremely active in the group, as you need time for yourself too. Maintain a balance between taking your child out for outings and having your one-on-one time with your little one. You’ll never know until you try it. And when you do, let me know how it goes! Maybe I’ll try it too!