10 SELFISH REASONS FOR WANTING A SECOND CHILD AND ONE GOOD ONE
Updated: Apr 4
There are plenty of reasons for me wanting a second child, most of them poor, however. My husband and I decided recently that we want to be a one and done family. We always wanted a child, but never really cared for a huge family. One child means we have a little one to watch over and carry on our genes, but at the same time, one child isn’t too much to handle. We enjoy our freedom that we have right now, being able to travel and drop off our little munchkin from time to time with his grandmother. Having a second baby would mean we’d be back to square one, but this time, we’d be taking our son down with us. We’d be held captive in our house for the first few months of our second baby’s life, and going out with our toddler just wouldn’t be as easy. But still…. A second baby means I could have a redo at all the things that I feel went wrong with my pregnancy and birth. I wouldn’t be a senior in college this time struggling to make ends meet for graduation. I’d be married this time, too. But are these reasons good enough to justify a second child? I most definitely feel not. But maybe one day, if things change, I will have the right reasons to have another baby. For now, here’s a list of 10 poor reasons I want to have a second child, and one good one.
1. To Be Married This Time
I’ll be honest. I felt shameful for having a baby out of wedlock. It wasn’t something I had planned, and being a type A person, it drove me crazy. But at the same time, I didn’t want to rush a wedding and try to hide my baby bump under a white dress just to be married before my son was born. The deed had already been done. I was pregnant out of wedlock and had to own it. But I did feel judged at times. It would have definitely been nice to share the news proudly instead of hesitantly. And sharing the same last name as my son would have been a nice plus too.
2. To Have a House for My Baby to Come Home To
Sure, we got by with our little townhome down the street from our university, but it wasn’t ours. I knew we’d eventually be moving out, so I didn’t get too carried away decorating the nursery. The second time around, I would love to be more financially stable with our own home for our baby to come home to. I could go crazy decorating the nursery, painting it any color my heart desired.
3. To Feel Confident Flaunting My Belly
Like I mentioned in reason 1, I felt shameful being a pregnant, unmarried college student. Even after I shared the news with everyone, I still typically wore baggy clothes to hide my belly. I didn’t want people to look at me differently, so I just hid my belly whenever I could. And I apparently did a good job at it too. Some people didn’t find out I was expecting until I was 8 months pregnant. But my second time around, I would be married and a college graduate. I would definitely feel more pride in a growing belly and would love to flaunt a baby bump. I also hardly took any pictures of my baby bump, and I greatly regret it. This time around, I would love to wear skintight clothes and flaunt it.
4. To Breastfeed
My son was born with a rare condition called fetal maternal hemorrhage, which occurs when blood circulates out of the placenta but fails to recirculate back in. Maxon spent over a week in the NICU, and his first drop of breast milk was fed to him via a bottle, rather than my breast. Once we had the green light to try breastfeeding, he just couldn’t latch on right. We tried for a few weeks, but eventually gave up breastfeeding all together and opted for formula. More than anything, I would have loved to have been successful at breastfeeding. The bond a mother experiences with her child through breastfeeding must be like no other. I envy all the moms who do it so effortlessly. My hope this next time is that I wouldn’t give up as easily and if anything, only supplement with a little formula.
5. To Have a VBAC
I don’t think many women hope for a C-section, but that’s what I got. It was an emergency to save my son’s life and I’m proud of that. But at the same time, I wish I could have been tested through a vaginal birth. Being a one and done mother means I’ll never experience what a natural birth feels like. Sure, a C-section is no walk in the park, but in a vaginal birth, you do all the work. I would love to experience all the heartache and ultimate triumph that comes along with a natural birth. Getting to bond with your partner through it all sounds so rewarding when you finally see your little one’s face.
6. To Have a Girl and Name Her Katriana
Now I’m not saying that I wish I had a girl over my boy, I’m just saying that I would love to have a girl the second time around to have one of each. While I was pregnant, I was certain I was expecting a girl. So needless to say, I was very surprised when the confetti burst out blue. While studying abroad a month prior to getting pregnant, I met a hairstylist who told me her mother’s name was similar to mine. Her mother’s name was Catriona, slightly similar to my name of Katarina. I immediately fell in love with the name and decided the name of my future daughter would be a slight variation of the name, spelled as Katriana. I still won’t forget this name and hope that one day, if I am surprised with a second child, it is a girl so I can name her this name.
7. To Do A Newborn Photo Session
After my son was released from the NICU, I was quickly struck with postpartum depression. I didn’t want to get up to eat or bathe, let alone get my son picture-ready for a photography session. His first professional photos didn’t come along until he was maybe 6 months old. This time around, I would love to take those cute little newborn pictures where the baby is wrapped like a burrito.
8. To Do Skin to Skin at the Hospital
Because of his condition, Maxon was rushed to the NICU and I didn’t see him until the very next day. Skin to skin was non-existent until he was finally off of his breathing tube. Being able to hold my baby immediately after birth sounds like a dream. I crave that moment so bad, but who knows if I’ll ever get it.
9. To Have A Positive Response from My Family When I Tell Them I’m Pregnant
Now don’t get me wrong, my parents didn’t shun me or anything, but they definitely weren’t over the moon with excitement over the news. I am extremely jealous of my friends who are met with such delight from their family about their pregnant status. I wish I could have experienced the same. Now that I’m married and a working woman, I know they would be much more thrilled this time around.
10. To Be Excited Myself When I See Those Two Lines
I’d be lying if I said I was jumping for joy when those two blue lines appeared on the pee stick. I was terrified and nervous about the future. When I shared the news with my boyfriend, he was obviously scared too. What were we going to do? I had always pictured the moment I tell my partner I’m expecting to be a happy, joyous moment. But that wasn’t exactly the case. If we were to plan for a second child, I know we’d be thrilled with the news and ready to share with everyone.
11. To Have Someone For My Son To Love and Play With
So all the previous reasons are mostly selfish reasons for wanting a second baby. But this one, I feel, is fairly valid. I look at my son playing by himself and worry for him. Will he have the same experience as his peers who have siblings? Will he get bored? I often times think we should give him a sibling, just so he’s not lonely. And to be honest, the thought of having two children, a boy and a girl, sounds like the American Dream. I really do think my husband and I could make ends meet with two little ones; after all, we wouldn’t be outnumbered. But at the end of the day, I have to do what’s right for us, and right now we’re content with our life. Should things change in the next few years, maybe I’ll have a shot at all of the above.